Turning vinegar into wine: Humorous self-presentations among older GLBTQ online daters
Introduction
This paper is based on a study of self-presentations on two Internet dating forums for persons identifying as gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender or queer. It aims at analyzing humorous and self-mocking comments on age and age-related appearance among GLBTQ advertisers aged 60 or older. The dataset was collected in order to study the intersection of age and sexuality among older GLBTQ persons advertising for a new partner. Since humorous comments on age and decrepitude were a prominent feature of the advertisements, we decided to make this phenomenon a case for a special study. Although data was collected from a GLTBQ forum, sexual preference will not be the focus of this paper. With the exception of some jokes relating to gay male sexuality, the kind of comments on age and decrepitude that are analyzed are not distinctive to GLBTQ communities but in fact occur in heterosexual settings as well (Asa Berger, 1993, Coupland, 2000, Summer, Jagger, 2005, Eklund, 1996, Whitty, 2007, Williams, 1997).
In addition to making an empirical contribution within the field of aging studies, we will also make a theoretical proposal about the need to apply contextual sensitivity within aging studies. This proposal is based on the way our study developed. Initially our analysis focused on humor as a tool for accomplishing age and relating to age norms in a situation where old age is likely to be a problem. From this perspective, the aim of the study was to investigate whether self-mocking comments about old age and age-related topics confirm or subvert prevalent norms and images relating to age and sexuality. Humor was regarded as part of the toolbox used when accomplishing age. However, during this analysis, we came to realize that research questions that did not make the construction of age and aging prime objects of knowledge would provide us with a different understanding of the data. The empirical analysis in this paper is therefore divided into two sections, the first of which deals with self-mocking comments as a form of “age-salient maneuvering” (Coupland, 2000, p. 28) relating to existing age norms, and the second deals with self-mocking comments about old age, gray hair, wrinkles, being overweight and impotence as a way of performing marketable characteristics such as humor, self-distance and honesty.
Aging studies that make age and aging their prime object of knowledge run the risk of becoming theoretically one-sided. This risk is present in studies that set out to investigate the age order of society or to map out different forms of ageism (Bytheway, 1995, Palmore, 1990, Palmore et al., 2005) as well as in studies that transform theories on the construction of gender into theories on the construction of age (Laz, 1998, Persson, 2010). While it is crucial to relate self-presentation among older adults to a framework of age norms, we suggest that researchers must actively look for additional frameworks that seem relevant within the specific contexts where presentations occur.
Section snippets
Analytical framework
The present study belongs to a constructionist tradition that emphasizes the interplay between a prompting social framework and the individual ability to perform and elaborate upon different parts of this framework (Goffman, 1959, Gubrium and Holstein, 1997, Holstein & Gubrium, 2000). First, we will briefly present the familiar framework of images of aging and age norms that older online daters encounter. Following this, we will propose the need to define research questions in relation to local
Data and method
Data for the study were collected from two web-based Internet forums in Sweden. Internet communities and online forums constitute social networks or mediated groups for contacts and community among like-minded people (Svenningson, Lövhiem, & Bergqvist, 2003). People can participate anonymously, but when a real-life meeting is the ultimate goal, this anonymity has only a temporary character (Gudelunas, 2005). In the forums individuals submit personal profiles that are comparable to dating
Age and sexuality
All advertisers must include information on gender, sexual identity and date of birth when creating their profiles. Thus the forums have made chronological age a characteristic that potential daters can use to include or screen out advertisements. Within the free text spaces, comments on age appeared in 24% of the profiles among male advertisers, 30% among female advertisers and 15% among transgender advertisers. Such comments included statements about age (“older gentleman,” “us older TS
Humorous comments on age-related issues
The occurrence of humorous comments on age and frailty in dating advertisements is to be expected, given the way that humor has been theorized. Humor deals with incongruities and one of its main functions is to defuse tensions and mask aggression (Stephenson, 1951, Mulkay, 1988, Asa Berger, 1993). In this sense humor has the function of a coping mechanism (Koller, 1988). It is a way of mitigating age norms.
In their studies on dating advertisements Coupland, 2000, Summer, Jagger, 2005 noted that
Is humor subversive or conservative?
The analysis of advertisements like the one above make it reasonable to conclude that humor in the presentation of the aging body may be regarded as an unwillingness to conform to age norms and “play the age game” (Jagger, 2005). Humor is used to question ideals of a perfect body or an age appropriate for dating and sex. This interpretation resonates with a point made by Danish anthropologist Birgitta Rørbye (1998). Rørbye notes that commercial advertisements labeled as ageist could be
Self-mocking comments used as age-salient maneuvering
Laz (1998, p. 99) suggests that we often “conform to dominant norms and conceptualizations, including those related to age and gender, even if we question or reject those norms.” In a study of age and dating advertisements Jagger (2005) discerned different “strategies” used by heterosexual advertisers to mitigate aging and age-related problems. In one such strategy, advertisers “denied” aging by emphasizing activity, fitness and their orientation toward the future. They appeared as “heroes” of
Changing context
A study focusing on the impact of age norms or how advertisers accomplish age is likely to phrase research questions like those investigated above: How is old age constructed within the GLBTQ forums? In what ways is age related to body, sexuality and choice of lifestyle? Do advertisers who joke about their body confirm to or subvert the rules of the age game? Do they practice ageism or anti-ageism?
Focusing on what age and proxies for aging accomplish as tools enables us to ask different
Age as vinegar or wine — a matter of context
The aim of our study was to investigate humorous comments on age and age-related changes among older GLBTQ online daters. In our data such comments dealt with the unattractiveness of old age and age-related changes such as wrinkles, loss of bodily firmness, being overweight, gray hair, impotence, loss of teeth and a general lack of vigor. Our study shows that the question of how to understand these comments differs depending on whether the construction of age is the prime object of knowledge or
Making age the prime object of knowledge — some words of caution
In the final part of our paper, we will comment on some risks associated with making age and aging prime objects of knowledge within aging research, for instance, when focusing on the occurrence of ageism and age norms within different settings, or when investigating age as an achievement.
In order to proceed in this discussion, we will return to our own analysis and the coding of data into categories such as “age-related comments.” What is an age-related comment? Laz (1998, p. 106) suggests
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