Turning vinegar into wine: Humorous self-presentations among older GLBTQ online daters

https://doi.org/10.1016/j.jaging.2011.07.003Get rights and content

Abstract

This study investigates humorous and self-mocking comments about age and age-related appearance among older gay, lesbian, bisexual, transsexual and queer advertisers in two Swedish Internet dating forums. Using a perspective where age is regarded as an accomplishment, humor was investigated as a way of relating to restrictive norms concerning age and sexuality. It was concluded that self-mocking comments, although sometimes subverting norms of age-appropriate behavior, contributed to allocating ambiguous problematic status to old age. According to this analysis, humor appeared as a form of age-salient maneuvering. If we change analytical focus and regard self-presentations as performances of marketability, the study illustrated that self-mocking comments on old age, being overweight, impotence and other age-related changes were in fact part of a repertoire that displayed marketable characteristics such as humor, self-distance and honesty among advertisers. The last part of the paper discusses these findings in terms of a need to focus on aspects that are relevant to the local context where the enactment is taking place, and the need to take care not to construct age and aging as the only objects of knowledge within aging research.

Introduction

This paper is based on a study of self-presentations on two Internet dating forums for persons identifying as gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender or queer. It aims at analyzing humorous and self-mocking comments on age and age-related appearance among GLBTQ advertisers aged 60 or older. The dataset was collected in order to study the intersection of age and sexuality among older GLBTQ persons advertising for a new partner. Since humorous comments on age and decrepitude were a prominent feature of the advertisements, we decided to make this phenomenon a case for a special study. Although data was collected from a GLTBQ forum, sexual preference will not be the focus of this paper. With the exception of some jokes relating to gay male sexuality, the kind of comments on age and decrepitude that are analyzed are not distinctive to GLBTQ communities but in fact occur in heterosexual settings as well (Asa Berger, 1993, Coupland, 2000, Summer, Jagger, 2005, Eklund, 1996, Whitty, 2007, Williams, 1997).

In addition to making an empirical contribution within the field of aging studies, we will also make a theoretical proposal about the need to apply contextual sensitivity within aging studies. This proposal is based on the way our study developed. Initially our analysis focused on humor as a tool for accomplishing age and relating to age norms in a situation where old age is likely to be a problem. From this perspective, the aim of the study was to investigate whether self-mocking comments about old age and age-related topics confirm or subvert prevalent norms and images relating to age and sexuality. Humor was regarded as part of the toolbox used when accomplishing age. However, during this analysis, we came to realize that research questions that did not make the construction of age and aging prime objects of knowledge would provide us with a different understanding of the data. The empirical analysis in this paper is therefore divided into two sections, the first of which deals with self-mocking comments as a form of “age-salient maneuvering” (Coupland, 2000, p. 28) relating to existing age norms, and the second deals with self-mocking comments about old age, gray hair, wrinkles, being overweight and impotence as a way of performing marketable characteristics such as humor, self-distance and honesty.

Aging studies that make age and aging their prime object of knowledge run the risk of becoming theoretically one-sided. This risk is present in studies that set out to investigate the age order of society or to map out different forms of ageism (Bytheway, 1995, Palmore, 1990, Palmore et al., 2005) as well as in studies that transform theories on the construction of gender into theories on the construction of age (Laz, 1998, Persson, 2010). While it is crucial to relate self-presentation among older adults to a framework of age norms, we suggest that researchers must actively look for additional frameworks that seem relevant within the specific contexts where presentations occur.

Section snippets

Analytical framework

The present study belongs to a constructionist tradition that emphasizes the interplay between a prompting social framework and the individual ability to perform and elaborate upon different parts of this framework (Goffman, 1959, Gubrium and Holstein, 1997, Holstein & Gubrium, 2000). First, we will briefly present the familiar framework of images of aging and age norms that older online daters encounter. Following this, we will propose the need to define research questions in relation to local

Data and method

Data for the study were collected from two web-based Internet forums in Sweden. Internet communities and online forums constitute social networks or mediated groups for contacts and community among like-minded people (Svenningson, Lövhiem, & Bergqvist, 2003). People can participate anonymously, but when a real-life meeting is the ultimate goal, this anonymity has only a temporary character (Gudelunas, 2005). In the forums individuals submit personal profiles that are comparable to dating

Age and sexuality

All advertisers must include information on gender, sexual identity and date of birth when creating their profiles. Thus the forums have made chronological age a characteristic that potential daters can use to include or screen out advertisements. Within the free text spaces, comments on age appeared in 24% of the profiles among male advertisers, 30% among female advertisers and 15% among transgender advertisers. Such comments included statements about age (“older gentleman,” “us older TS

Humorous comments on age-related issues

The occurrence of humorous comments on age and frailty in dating advertisements is to be expected, given the way that humor has been theorized. Humor deals with incongruities and one of its main functions is to defuse tensions and mask aggression (Stephenson, 1951, Mulkay, 1988, Asa Berger, 1993). In this sense humor has the function of a coping mechanism (Koller, 1988). It is a way of mitigating age norms.

In their studies on dating advertisements Coupland, 2000, Summer, Jagger, 2005 noted that

Is humor subversive or conservative?

The analysis of advertisements like the one above make it reasonable to conclude that humor in the presentation of the aging body may be regarded as an unwillingness to conform to age norms and “play the age game” (Jagger, 2005). Humor is used to question ideals of a perfect body or an age appropriate for dating and sex. This interpretation resonates with a point made by Danish anthropologist Birgitta Rørbye (1998). Rørbye notes that commercial advertisements labeled as ageist could be

Self-mocking comments used as age-salient maneuvering

Laz (1998, p. 99) suggests that we often “conform to dominant norms and conceptualizations, including those related to age and gender, even if we question or reject those norms.” In a study of age and dating advertisements Jagger (2005) discerned different “strategies” used by heterosexual advertisers to mitigate aging and age-related problems. In one such strategy, advertisers “denied” aging by emphasizing activity, fitness and their orientation toward the future. They appeared as “heroes” of

Changing context

A study focusing on the impact of age norms or how advertisers accomplish age is likely to phrase research questions like those investigated above: How is old age constructed within the GLBTQ forums? In what ways is age related to body, sexuality and choice of lifestyle? Do advertisers who joke about their body confirm to or subvert the rules of the age game? Do they practice ageism or anti-ageism?

Focusing on what age and proxies for aging accomplish as tools enables us to ask different

Age as vinegar or wine — a matter of context

The aim of our study was to investigate humorous comments on age and age-related changes among older GLBTQ online daters. In our data such comments dealt with the unattractiveness of old age and age-related changes such as wrinkles, loss of bodily firmness, being overweight, gray hair, impotence, loss of teeth and a general lack of vigor. Our study shows that the question of how to understand these comments differs depending on whether the construction of age is the prime object of knowledge or

Making age the prime object of knowledge — some words of caution

In the final part of our paper, we will comment on some risks associated with making age and aging prime objects of knowledge within aging research, for instance, when focusing on the occurrence of ageism and age norms within different settings, or when investigating age as an achievement.

In order to proceed in this discussion, we will return to our own analysis and the coding of data into categories such as “age-related comments.” What is an age-related comment? Laz (1998, p. 106) suggests

References (53)

  • C. Eklund

    Farliga kärringar och lortgubbar: Kön, tradition, modernitet i folklore om äldre

  • N. Ellison et al.

    Managing impressions online: Self-presentation processes in the online dating environment

    Journal of Computer-Mediated Communication

    (2006)
  • E.H. Erikson

    The life cycle completed: Extended version with new chapters on the ninth stage of development by Joan M. Erikson

    (1997)
  • M. Featherstone et al.

    The mask of ageing and the postmodern life course

  • J.L. Gibbs et al.

    Self-presentations in online personals: The role of anticipated future interaction, self-disclosure, and perceived success in Internet dating

    Communication Research

    (2006)
  • A. Giddens

    Modernity and self-identity: Self and society in the late modern age

    (1991)
  • C. Gilleard et al.

    Cultures of ageing: Self, citizen and the body

    (2000)
  • E. Goffman

    The presentation of self in everyday life

    (1959)
  • E. Goffman

    Stigma: Notes on the management of spoiled identity

    (1963)
  • J.F. Gubrium et al.

    The new language of qualitative method

    (1997)
  • J.F. Gubrium et al.

    Constructing the life course

    (1994)
  • D. Gudelunas

    Online personal ads: Community and sex, virtually

    Journal of Homosexuality

    (2005)
  • D.K. Harris

    Sexuality

  • B. Heapy et al.

    Ageing in a non-heterosexual context

    Ageing & Society

    (2004)
  • J.A. Holstein et al.

    The self we live by: Narrative identity in a postmodern world

    (2000)
  • E. Jagger

    Is thirty the new sixty? Dating, age and gender in a postmodern, consumer society

    Sociology

    (2005)
  • Cited by (24)

    • Tired, but not (only) because of age: An interactional sociolinguistic study of participants’ variable stances towards older-age categorial explanations in everyday hair-salon talk

      2018, Journal of Aging Studies
      Citation Excerpt :

      What this underlines is that adopting an ‘age-blind’ approach to the data, being attentive to participants' meanings, and attending to the sequential context in which older-age terms and expressions emerge, pays dividends. Just as Jönson and Siverskog (2012) showed in their study of older online daters, so analysis of these cases shows that much more may be at stake, in terms of both a range of quite subtle interactional goals and a wider palette of identities, than only older age. Those identities may vary in the space of an interaction.

    • Age ascription as a resource and a source of resistance – An interactional study of health professionals’ castings of patients into the category ‘old’

      2017, Journal of Aging Studies
      Citation Excerpt :

      In a similar vein, an interview study on sexual activity in later life shows that the interviewees' relevance-making of old age depends on the immediate business of the conversation (Jones, 2006:89). Hence, a thorough analysis of old age invocation implies sensitivity to its function in the local context (Jönsson & Siverskog, 2011:62). In the present study, the particular medical context of the interaction will be considered.

    • Relationship goals of middle-aged, young-old, and old-old internet daters: An analysis of online personal ads

      2013, Journal of Aging Studies
      Citation Excerpt :

      Adult children can create obstacles to repartnering by expressing hostility to the notion that a parent might “find a replacement” for a deceased or divorced spouse (Talbott, 1998). Some older adults find ways to cope with the negative messages about aging — for example, by employing self-deprecating humor in personal ads (Jonson & Siverskog, 2012). Undoubtedly, however, others internalize the ageist messages and are dissuaded from pursuing new relationships.

    • Psychological and social adjustment in older transsexual people

      2013, Maturitas
      Citation Excerpt :

      After recovery, he is able to live his remaining years in a most satisfying and authentic way. A recent study in Sweden by Jönson and Siverskog [11] illustrated how sexuality can adapt during aging for the LGBT community. The article “turning vinegar into wine: humorous self presentations amongst older” looked at self advertising on two internet dating forums.

    View all citing articles on Scopus
    View full text